Is there even such thing as a silver lining?

I am searching for the infamous silver lining.

I have really been struggling lately with an 'answer' of what I am supposed to do with my life! I have 7 sons who need their Mom, and I feel like I am failing them because I cannot find an answer that seems to 'fit' our family!

Right now, everything seems to come down to money...or in this case, the HUGE lack of it!! My first choice was to go 'back to school' and take a correspondance course I have always wanted to take; Medical Transcription. Now you would think I could get some government funding to help out, seeing as how I have no income (other than child support). Well you are WRONG! Unless I am willing to put my youngest boys into a full time daycare and attend an 'in class' course, there is no funding available.

I like to think I am quite intelligent, and it seems pretty obvious to me that I am putting my children first, and trying to stay at home with them (like I have for the past 17 years), and keep things constant and consistant for them! But because I am a full-time Mom, the government considers me high risk for taking a course in home! Okay, considering I am up half the night anyways since I am so overwhelmed and worried about our future, you'd think it would be a perfect time to sit down and study a course which I have a great interest in! But no! Lets put a Mother into a course she has absolutely no desire to take, one that has no possibility of employment in the area she lives, and thrust her children (who have never even had a babysitter) into daycare....lets see how 'high risk' that situation is! BUT - the government will TOTALLY fund that course! I shake my head because I don't have the strength to do anything else.

I guess I am to the point I am so frustrated and discouraged that I would love to scream until I lose my voice!

So now, I search for a job! Which has me sick to my stomach since I know if I find one, the panic will start to find childcare! So this is my dilemma...it seems like everywhere I turn, I hit another road block, and I need to start over!

I pray for guidance, for patience, but most of all; strength!